Hello my dear earth angels,

I don’t typically share on such an intimate level, especially when I’m mid-healing, but my angels insist it will be an inspiration. And so I trust it is…

It’s weird when an old used-to-be-BFF-but-haven’t-seen-in-years friend dies.

Emotions swirl, gunk gets stirred up and the task at hand seems to be sorting through the memories, attachments and reasons for grief.

This friend of mine, we’ll call him Bill (because that was his name), was our children’s godfather, guardian in the event of a catastrophic event affecting both Peter and me. That’s how close we were.

My first memory of Bill was sitting at desks next to each other at John Hancock back in mid-80’s. He thought he was funny demanding that I fetch him coffee and cinnamon rolls. I thought he was annoying.

Oddly, many of my most sacred relationships begin with feelings of annoyance. Go figure.

His playful sexist comments – which I later realized had no teeth whatsoever – became endearing. We joked with each other – a lot.

He was from an Irish family from Southie and I am a WASP from upper class Rhode Island – an odd couple for sure. 

His wife got Peter his first job working 3-11pm. Since our spouses were working and we had no kids, Bill and I would do what most young Bostonians would do after work, go drinking.

Bill was a Leprechan-like guy who loved people and I was shy, so it was always a giggling adventure. One that sometimes resulted in dancing on top of furniture or playing ping-pong on the garage roof.

Our relationship was entirely platonic and ran as deep as any friendship I’ve had.

When I first got pregnant, I remember sticking my bulging belly in his face (he was seated at his desk) and saying, “Yup, this baby isn’t going to change our lifestyle.”

He howled with laughter, because he had a young son.

We were BFF’s for about 10 years.

Then his wife got sick, we moved further away, I left my job (we’d both left Hancock and moved to Fidelity) and life took us in different directions. He stayed forever in my heart though. Peter’s too; they had become close buddies.

I haven’t cried yet…probably still a bit in shock…and processing.

What am I grieving? I hadn’t really expected to reconnect. He’d probably laugh heartedly at my “angel” career – always the smiling skeptic, he was. 

A lost friendship?

A glimpse of my own mortality?

A wonderful man who is no longer walking the earth plane?

All of the above…yes.

There is a heaviness in my heart and yet, I can feel the angels rubbing me gently and soothing the sorrows.

They will tell me when it’s time to cry. They will guide me through this. They will whisper when I need the reminder, it’s all good.

On some level, I am grieving deeply. On another level, I am celebrating life.

As I write in service and finish my final edits, I feel the emotions settling, the sadness releasing.

The angels are returning me to center.

Life is good. It’s time to drink it all in.

With love,

Rev. Elvia