The pandemic has changed us. All of us, in some way. Like flowers, we either lean towards the light in faith and grow, or we hide from it in fear and whither. Or land somewhere in between. Like me, depending on the day. Mostly towards the light, but there are moments.
Whether it’s the headlines of the week, CV 19, 3 1/2 years without my parents or turning 61, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting this year.
I keep thinking to myself, “Do I want this decision I’ve been making to be a forever thing?” because in not making a decision, a decision is being made.
Existential questions that – while often fly in the face of the daily to-do list – are essential to ponder and act upon for life to feel complete.
- What do I want to do?
- Who nurtures my soul?
- Where do I want to go?
- How do I want to BE in the world?
Presence is key to answers.
Honesty with self and emotional landscape is key to answers.
Forgiveness of self and others is key to answers.
Courage to take guided action is also key to answers.
Specifically, when it comes to old friends… while we may have fallen out of touch, I’ve been asking myself, “Do I really never want to see that friend again?”
I’ve been reaching out to people I’ve held dear in my heart for many years, but also haven’t seen for many years.
This brings stuff up. A touch of anxiety and apprehension. What if we don’t have much in common anymore? What if they don’t like who I am now? What if I don’t like who they are now?
It is said that people don’t change. I don’t agree. Perhaps unhealed people don’t change, but people who look at their shit, own it and work through it…change. By definition. Traits remain, because the vehicle we were born into is the same, but the stories can change. In fact, change is inherent in our purpose.
Which makes me wonder if that’s one of the most damaging things we can do as friends, as humans – to trap someone, anyone in our belief that they will never change, evolve, be better.
I know I’ve changed. I know I am a better person than I was 20 years ago…30 years ago. And there was nothing wrong with me then, it’s just that Life hadn’t delivered certain lessons and opportunities yet.
It has, it does.
I have been a real brat at times in my life. Some think of me as sweet and grounded – yes, perhaps true but believe you me…I have serious brat power and know how to use it.
And I forgive her…my bratty self. She is less bratty than she used to be. Much less.
She is still learning, changing, evolving, getting better.
We are all learning, changing, evolving, getting better. More so as we see each other as such.
Pin humanity and each other to a low standard and that is what we perpetuate.
See humanity through the lens of forgiveness and ongoing betterment…
and that is what we create.
Life is precious. The daily drone may work to smudge that truth, but it can never be erased.
And so I ask…
Who do you need to connect with?
Where does your soul yearn to go?
How do YOU wish to be in this world?
Put it out there. Say a prayer and know that your angels will change you.
Be brave my friends. We need you on Team Angels.